Uneven Horror Anthology Scare Package a Frustrating, Goo-Covered Misfire
Scare Package would be a rather decent horror anthology if only it would stop calling attention to how silly and unserious everything is. Granted, there’s nothing frightening about any of the six shorts and one wraparound segment the film is built around, and that appears to be entirely by design. This is a gore-filled comedy focusing on disassembling many of the genre’s biggest tropes; I only wish all involved had kept more of a straight face bringing it all to life.
There are a handful of terrific ideas and inventive moments. Most of the segments contain some gloriously gnarly practical makeup and visual effects, and if that’s all a viewer is looking for it’s likely they won’t be too disappointed by the obvious shortcomings everywhere else. But other than the aforementioned wraparound tale “Rad Chad’s Horror Emporium,” written and directed by Aaron B. Koontz and Cameron Burns, pretty much all of these stories are far too short to make a lasting impact.
Take “One Time in the Woods” from writer-director Chris McInroy, which is about as close to a Creepshow entry as almost any of these shorts get. A quartet of friends are on a camping trip when suddenly a strange man bursts into their clearing, insisting they lock him up. Thinking he’s messing with them, imagine their shock when he starts to transform into a gelatinous pile of green goo with a taste for human flesh.
That’s a reasonably solid EC Comics Tales from the Crypt scenario all by itself, but McInroy isn’t content to leave things there. The filmmaker also inserts a homicidal killer into the mix and includes a chase through the woods that leads to all sorts of hacking and slashing. But his segment is so short that there’s no tension, zero suspense, and even less humor. Additionally, while the entire cast is game to do whatever is required of them no matter how goofy, nasty, or nonsensical it may be, they also keep calling attention to how loopy everything is almost as if they’re winking at the camera, and in doing so they erase much of the fun.
It’s dumb, but I did enjoy the kickoff story “Cold Open” from filmmaker Emily Hagins. Horror drone Mike (Jon Michael Simpson) is complaining to his best friend and heroic genre cop Wendy (Haley Alea Erickson) that he never gets to do anything substantive. Instead, he’s always the setup guy who’s changing forest road street signs away from the local lake and towards the haunted insane asylum, or being the creepy red herring neighbor who tries to calm down scared babysitters when the power mysteriously cuts out.
This is the one entry that uses its minimal running time beautifully. When Mike attempts to change things up he ends up cluelessly living up to his Halloween icon last name and inadvertently forces himself into the role of lethal antagonist with the teenage body count to match. Hagins keeps the pace zippy but not in a way that minimizes the humor. While nothing that happens makes a lick of sense — no that it is supposed to — it’s all still fairly amusing and does kick things off on the right foot.
I should also note that the framing story set inside “Rad” Chad Buckley’s (Jeremy King) VHS video store is moderately amusing, mainly because Koontz and Burns utilize a relatively light touch in their handling of the material. One of the side characters overstays their welcome, but the central bit concerning Chad’s horrible training methods as he shows new employee Hawn (Hawn Tran) the ropes had me laughing, and the two actors showcase genuine chemistry.
This makes it surprising that the climactic tale, “Horror Hypothesis,” also written and directed by Koontz and Burns, falls flat. It’s the longest installment running roughly 30 minutes, and it’s the one that I think is supposed to finally — and playfully — subvert all the genre tropes that have been examined up to this point. But the whole sequence goes on far too long, and the delicate handling the two filmmakers brought to “Rad Chad’s Horror Emporium” strangely vanishes. There is some good stuff, including a pleasant cameo from everyone’s favorite drive-in horror host, but it’s not nearly enough to satisfy.
The remaining tales, “Girls’ Night Out of Body,” “The Night He Came Back Again! Part IV – The Final Kill,” “M.I.S.T.,E.R.,” and “So Much to Do,” all have their highs and lows. Unfortunately, I just never felt there was enough of the former, while the latter frequently drove me slightly batty. Scare Package is so frustratingly uneven that even the pieces I loved (the final confrontation in “Horror Hypothesis” kicks major butt) aren’t nearly as memorable as they otherwise should be, and that’s a bloody shame.
Film Rating: 2 (out of 4)
