There’s Nothing Smurfy about Smurfs
When discussing Smurfs, the sixth attempt to bring creator Peyo’s magical blue creatures to the big screen (the first being the 1965 French effort Les Aventures des Schtroumpfs), it is important to note that young children will likely love it. But the same could be said of my kid sister when she discovered 1976’s The Smurfs and the Magic Flute on television during the 1980s, and that doesn’t mean the film was any good (because it wasn’t).
She made us buy the VHS and, much to my entire family’s dismay, proceeded to wear the darn thing out. I imagine something similar will happen to today’s parents when this new one is released for home consumption via streaming or on a physical media format. I feel their pain.
Featuring an inane plot that builds to a boringly obnoxious climax and — other than one notable exception — showcasing tediously chaotic musical numbers that are as instantly forgettable as they are frenetically obnoxious, there’s little that’s smurfy about Smurfs. To put it even more bluntly, this is a calamitous, headache-inducing dud that has precious few virtues I feel even slightly inclined to chat about.
In the spirit of fairness, I will state what those pluses are, however, the first being that the film is marvelously animated. These little blue icons have never looked better. There is colorful fluidity to their movements and to their environments (some of which exist in the real world), and that’s an impressive achievement. Another positive is the vocal performance from the irrepressible Natasha Lyonne. She’s this cake-loving interdimensional chaos agent named Mama Poot who looks like a cross between a pom-pom and a loofah sponge, and there was never a moment when I knew what was going to come out of her mouth next. I wanted more of this character.
Other highlights include one mid-movie musical number performed by Rihanna. She voices Smurfette, and this song is her attempt to convince another Smurf (James Corden), going by the moniker of “No Name” because he’s been unable to discover “his thing” that makes him unique, to not give up on their quest of self-discovery. Additionally, there’s a brief third act jaunt through a multiverse of animated realms that’s somewhat imaginative (my favorite being a brief stay in a Claymation universe). I thought that was pretty neat.
Be that as it may, I still found this latest attempt to bring Peyo’s world to life to be as insufferable as anything I’ve sat through this year. The story — Papa Smurf (John Goodman) is kidnapped by the evil wizard Razamel, brother of Gargamel (both voiced by JP Karliak), who is searching for a sentient book of magic so he and his evil collaborators can remove all goodness from the universe; Smurfette, No Name, and several other Smurfs from Smurf Village venture out into the real world to save Papa and stop Razamel — is a laborious slog. None of the musical sequences (save the one I already singled out) made a favorable impression on me. I may have laughed three times during the darn thing. I likely smiled even less.
The one caveat to all of this? As much as I wanted to bolt out of the theater in annoyed frustration, the youngest members of my preview audience appeared to have the exact opposite reaction. The giggled. The sat spellbound. They pointed at the screen. For them, Smurfs was exactly what they wanted it to be, and part of me does think that, at the end of the day, those reactions are what matter the most.
But I still didn’t like it. Not one smurfing bit. And not a smurfing darn thing will change my smurfing mind as far as that’s concerned. So smurfing there.
Film Rating: 1½ (out of 4)
