Flamboyantly Campy Masters of the Universe Lacks the Power to Entertain
Popular Mattel action figure He-Man returns to life in a new take on Masters of the Universe. This gaudily inventive, strangely tongue-in-cheek bit of sci-fi fantasy weirdness is as much a spin on 1980’s Flash Gordon as a big-budget reimagining of the Filmation cartoon series He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. It is also unapologetically, almost unrelentingly, Queer.
Yet that’s not enough to make the finished product worthwhile. Maybe in fits and starts, though. Don’t get me started with how terrific Jared Leto is portraying the villainous Skeletor as a preening, cackling theater kid aching to get his hands on the massive sword of his arch nemesis, Prince Adam of Eternia (Nicholas Galitzine) . But on the whole? This bizarre mishmash of comedy, social commentary, and high-flying action never won me over. If anything, it left me frustratingly cold.
Events begin with the rulers of Eternia, King Randor (James Purefoy) and Queen Marlena (Charlotte Riley), being overthrown by Skeletor’s armies, and their son Adam (along with the Sword of Power) being sent to Earth by The Sorceress (Morena Baccarin) for his protection. Over a decade later, the now twentysomething prince is brought back to his homeland by his childhood friend Teela (Camila Mendes), now a leader in the rebellion against Skeletor. It’s up to Adam to become the hero his people need — and he’ll need all the power Grayskull Castle and its sword have to offer if he has any hope of bringing peace back tso Eternia.
The gag is that Adam, despite his tall, lanky build and matinee-idol good looks, is a terrible freedom fighter. He’d rather try to talk his way out of difficult situations and dangerous circumstances by using corporate diversity-training double-talk (the young man was a human resources representative back on Earth) than throw an uncoordinated punch or attempt to wield his heavy sword. It’s not until he speaks the secret words and thrusts his weapon skyward that Grayskull’s magic transforms Adam into a dashing superhero, and even then, said muscular makeover might not be enough to defeat Skeletor.
Director Travis Knight (Kubo and the Two Strings, Bumblebee) channels his inner Mike Hodges and plays it all for musically histrionic, colorfully rambunctious camp, right down to having legendary Queen guitarist Brian May augment the thunderous score by composer Daniel Pemberton (Project Hail Mary) with deafening ferocity. He and his cadre of writers also throw in abundant socially relevant observations (one might even call them “woke”) that will drive certain members of the audience (i.e., mostly white, predominantly cis men who like to scream “you ruined my childhood!” into the cybernetic social media void) into vitriolic fits of mealymouthed fury.
While I applaud much of that, unfortunately, none of it means the film works. While the comedy primarily revolves around poking fun at hot-button topics like toxic masculinity, sexism, gender identity, and fascist ideology, it’s all so heavy-handed and didactic that most of it lands with a calamitous thud. Even having Galitzine channel his himbo, Queer-coded performance as a flamboyantly misogynistic high school football player from Bottoms isn’t as wonderful as it might sound. While the actor fearlessly goes for broke, the syrupy one-dimensionality of his character sadly does him zero favors.
There are still several great ideas, not the least of which pertain to all the comic book backstories Adam dreamt up for Eternia’s protectors while growing up on Earth, and a brief cameo by the first cinematic live-action He-Man is far better (and much funnier) than I thought it was going to be. Leto seems to be having a blast crowing his way through the picture, delivering one goofy punchline after another. The same goes for Alison Brie as she channels her inner Cassandra Peterson and vivaciously vamps her way through things as Skeletor’s right-hand minion, Evil-Lyn. Idris Elba is also perfectly cast as Duncan, Teela’s father and King Randor’s man-at-arms, and his character’s amusing back-and-forth conversations with sarcastic battle droid Roboto (voiced by Kristen Wiig with deadpan acidity) had me chuckling.
But it’s never enough. Other than one notable exception (that felt like a thinly veiled homage to that stupendous set piece in The Incredibles in which the entire Paar family showcase their powers for the first time), the action sequences aren’t particularly strong or exciting. The balance between silliness and substance is strangely out of whack, and the continual winking back at the audience as if this were a Mel Brooks spoof like Spaceballs or Robin Hood: Men in Tights annoyed me. Flash Gordon, for all its bombast, rock opera pyrotechnics, and cartoonish whimsy, still took itself — and its audience — seriously, and that’s probably why it’s endured for 45 years (even though it was originally a box office dud).
So, who is this phantasmagorical misfire for? I can’t imagine Mattel will be as happy as it was with Barbie, as selling toys seems to be the last thing on Knight’s or his creative team’s minds. Fans of the Filmation series may get a kick out of all the references, but as they’re almost all played for laughs, it’s just as likely that those elements could make them angry. Younger viewers flocking to Obsession, The Drama, or Backrooms won’t give a lick about He-Man, and while Queer viewers may thrill to much of the film’s brazenly homoerotic subtext, their ticket-buying prowess alone isn’t enough to warrant this production’s almost $200 million price tag.
Sorry to say, this iteration of Masters of the Universe does not have the power. At least, not the power to entertain, and that’s too bad.
– Review reprinted courtesy of the SGN in Seattle
Film Rating: 2½ (out of 4)
