But even when the vicious Queen Spider breaks out onto the streets of New York, even when Muldoon and Campbell’s daughter finds herself stranded in the middle of the alien arachnid’s hive, even when the military starts attacking as if Godzilla himself was rampaging throughout the city, Spiders 3D barely registers, the film devoid of a pulse and, disappointingly, is nothing short of dead on arrival.
Needless to say, [Girls Against Boys] will not be a pleasant experience for everyone. The first kill is shocking in its ruthless normality, while a later dismemberment had me clutching my armrests so tightly I worried I was going to break a finger.
Yet when the focus stays on our two heroes, when their story remains front and center, Warm Bodies achieves a heartfelt ebullience that’s inspiring, and for a movie about the undead watching this made me feel as alive as anything I’ve seen in ages.
As great as the production design is, as sensational as the costumes are, as wonderful as some of the set pieces can be and as magnificent and unique as the grossly perverse gore effects are, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is head-scratching nonsense that does annoy. The movie never catches fire, doesn’t generate any steam and very seldom comes alive, the whole enterprise as dead as the decapitated corpses littering the supernatural fairy tale countryside the characters inhabit
For all its good intentions Knife Fight is as dull as a rusty butter knife and sadly just as useful, too.
The Last Stand certainly doesn’t break any new ground, and it definitely doesn’t do a single thing that’s unexpected, but that doesn’t make it any less a rollicking good time. Say what you will about Schwarzenegger but the man does know how to make a fun action movie when he sets his mind to it, and for all its faults his teaming up with Jee-woon has produced a very entertaining one indeed.
The filmmakers aren’t afraid of the material, don’t feel the need to coddle their audience or deliver comforting emotional platitudes. They take things to their ultimate breaking point, going with an otherworldly finale that’s one part Tim Burton and two parts Guillermo del Toro.
Poorly paced, lazily edited, reviling in cliché and shot to look as shiny as a newfound penny, Gangster Squad is 2013’s first disaster, and instead of waiting four months to throw it into multiplexes Warner Bros would have been better served to have left it on the shelf unreleased.
These artists don’t give in and they refuse to give up, Quartet proving once again that if you can maintain a song in your heart and keep a dance in your step being young is an ongoing state of grace that potentially could last forever.